Dear Olivia {Trust in the Mystery}

Dear Olivia,

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You just started third grade, and I’m beyond proud of you. Everything about new beginnings is scary. Facing uncertainties can shake all our securities into a pile of smoldering rubble. And because you were gifted to feel things deeply, you would much rather give into the gravity of doubt; and crumble. I would to.

I have to remember that all these hard things are building the strong places in your soul. My sweet, praying friend was helping me process and pray through your tear-filled first day of school, and she texted me this:

“Her uncertainty will turn to excitement anticipating the goodness of God!”

For people like you and me, sweet Livvy, the emotions of fear and excitement are just a hair’s width apart. We must train ourselves to CHOOSE to feel the latter more deeply than the former, because of one reason…we can TRUST in the Mystery.

Last week I turned 35 years old, and the older I grow, the less answers I have. Our confidence can’t come from understanding life or knowing the future. We can only TRUST because we know God cares and he says we matter.

“To matter in the scheme of the cosmos: this is better theology than all our sociology. It is, in fact, all that God has promised to us: that we matter. That he cares.”- Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet

It was so hard to force you to loosen your fierce hug around my waist, walk away from your tear-streaked face, and leave you hurting and scared in a new place. But I knew you could do it.

After a long day of waiting and praying, I picked up your bright smiling face and heard you exclaim, “That was the best day ever!”

Thank you for choosing the way of excitement and trust, and letting the hard things build such strong, confident, God-filled places in your soul.

“We are mostly unaware of the divine intention in much of what we do. Entrusting ourselves to the Mystery, we move forward fearlessly, knowing that the future of the planet probably does not depend on what we do next.”- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust


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